lines: 1000 words: ??? project I, the first 1000 linesmove along... these are absolutely horrific. evil thoughts: 1994102501tid242 It's happend before it will happen again deeds of evil, thoughts of sin like a black mist that shrouds all making it inpenitrable to Gods call deep in the twisted tunnels of his mind past deeds of evil you will find shunned by all, for many victims death decay, deep hatred on his breath he stalkes at night, taking all in remembering, storing it away for future sin insensitive for the killing, death and rape hiding it all beneth a beautiful cape the cape of humor, feelings and deeds of good people like him but is that what they should? for beneath this cape, this cleaver disguise all who have seen it have known to dispise you will find a soul of black compassion and kindness does he lack for some sick and twisted fun killing is what must be done to kill the innocent it is true to run this whole God-Damned world through to destroy the pure, whose good deeds shine bright slaughter them all with his superior, EVIL might his past experiances his knowlege vast murdering the chaste none can find, none can stop this man whose evils top all others that have been seen blackening all that is yet still clean this man who can roam free is a danger its clear to see stalking following roaming and killing his deeds eventually billing the good people like you and me and taking away our mortallity (Virginity) I wish he would go just pack up and leave he has hurt enough, we still greave I will wish forever untill one day when it is I who must pay, pay for the goodness that lives deep in me for one day it's what he will see it is in me and he will long, long to crush my goodness it will make him strong for that day I will be the one to die skinned and gutted by deaths scythe and I will travel to a place that's free from all monsters such as he And I will live in eternal happeniess for with God by me always I shall not miss the agonies shrouded by Gods bliss who: darkness: never: back: eternal: unbelieve: seed2: nothing: circleEvery time this happens its the same vicious circle I need to belong to inside feel full every time its the same fucked up shit i do all that time i'm just trying to impress you i ,- i just want something i know ill never get a place inside of you, i know ill never fit its just dreams i live on they can sometimes make me feel loved like im not being pushed around, forever being shoved shoved from place to place never to belong to any group, to anyones life song i open up once a year to you trying to be bold i am destroyed just as a blooming rose left in the uncaring cold just as the first frost burns each pedal so am i by your warmth like metal if only forever we could have talked now your mind will be eternally locked locking out all that i may do and say hating me more and more each and every day maybe i have lived in darkness for far too long singing in darkness this same sad song my ideas are great my dreams are bold if i have tried to live any of them no one has been told yes for i keep my dreams secret well out of harms way for if not they would get trampled every day this is the want for friendship not money not lust but every day i see you my dreams are turned to dust 1995092701tid242 punityin the dead of night as you look to the sky as you peer relentlessly at the eternal stars billions upon billions of stars burning, burning billions upon billions of miles away one can't help but be reminded of ones pure insignificance to think, the punity of one person in the whole world, standing on one planet revolving around one star, endlessly circling in one galaxy in the infinitely expansive universe people believe that life on earth is unique and special that there is life on one body in the entire universe which would take you billions of years to cross traveling at the speed of light what a geocentric view to think that earth would be granted a commodity so infinitely rare and precious that there would be nothing like it anywhere and there never was nor will be EVER how vain and foolish are we to think a divine figure a GOD would create such an imperfect race of mortals on one place in infinity to watch and protect such an imperfect world how arrogant are we to engage in such anthropocentric views as to compare ourselves as far superior to nature and the cosmos we are nothing, and scared to acknowledge the fact that we never have been or will be anything of any significance, ever 1996081401tid242 cause: [written for SCHOOL]who knew if his soul could have been saved if a fate could have been averted, though long ago paved paved with a promise made to one who could steal his future and cover the sun shield him from its rays of light keeping him in darkness to wither in blight oh how he was foolish and taken with ease and to what greater purpose, what GOD did he please selling his being for a single earthly wonder his doing is now the worlds greatest blunder for he has not sold himself, but sold off the world into a new age of darkness we will now all be hurled like the brethren of Drows to be cast down from the light to tumble in darkness never to regain our sight what manner of creature would give up his soul to put the world in shadow, to pay this god awful toll for by selling himself to some GOD long forgotten spoiling his life and turning his skin cold and rotten he had left his body devoid of a soul just an empty husk, an infernal hole his body was soon filled by the one doing the taking a long forgotten power not happy with our making as the new power spreads, inexorably creeping our fate draws nearer, when LIFE, DEATH will soon be reaping night after night more flock to his banner to live in his kingdom, his fortress, his manner for it has been many thousands of years since people have seen true power in the new presence all those still of mind tremble and cower for his presence will soon be a part of this earth our pain and anguish the cause of his mirth for he shall reign on high with an iron fist all will be taken, none will be missed all will be left for his minions to eat savoring the taste of the long decayed meat he will rule a world devoid of all life but to him it will be a world free of all strife the strife of beings' earthly chatter the strife of warring riffles continuous clatter in his world it will be only him and to his creations the world will not look grim for it will be their home their right by birth never knowing before that it was once our beautiful earth they will cherish their world though never seeing the sun for darkness is now their home and from it they shall never run living in a world of only darkness and despair living without HIM they wouldn't even dare all this pain for one simple error of this mans past i would not want to be bearer for the fate of the world once rested on his shoulders but trading it all for a set of new notebook folders what students must go through to get their materials to class to hold all their assignments in order to pass the fate of the world now rests on the teachers no longer on the shamans and fanatical preachers next to what it could be the world is one of peace and to keep it that way, all homework assignments must cease! 1996092701tid242 all i missi miss you i miss all the stuff we used to do how we used to be so happy together how we always seemed so sure staying up late with each other because neither wanted to go was it all worth it i really don't know sometimes i think this unbearible pain can never be endured and maybe we could still be together if i had just matured i look back now and see what i did wrong how i left you alone to sing our duet's song if only i knew i could care so much, about you and to be there again , anything i would do those late nights in each others arms so enchanted by each others charms all those late nights with you has brought me nothing but pain and when i think of you i think i'll never be the same then i think of all those joys we used to share and to think i would be myself if it wasn't for valleyfair but all the good times outweigh this time of need and even though i know it not now i'm finally freed 1996111801tid242 what must behow i long now only to be with you and to fulfill that longing almost anything i would do to feel the security of your warm embrace and the loving look you gave me as i gazed into your face to see that fiery compassion burning in your eyes and to lay with you and hear your sweet little sighs sighs of contentment, just to be with me it all becomes so clear and suddenly i can see see what we had and how i let it slip away and just to have it all back, how very dearly i would pay for now i can see what i did how i acted as just a jealous little kid have i really grown up i do not know i guess to you only time will show show how hard i'm trying to be what i could and to do the right things, all the things that i should now i'm telling you everything, everything i feel and how i know that it was i who broke the deal so for breaking up don't feel guilt nor shame because i know it was me who put out our flame and knowing what i did, makes me sad to know how i hurt you and made you feel bad and i'm sorry... but i cannot take back what i have done just as you can't live two days under the same days sun so now all i can do is apologize and hope you know i'm sincere and that you above all things is what i hold most dear i LOVE you, i've said it before, and to say that to you feels like sin to know you can never return the thought, and so i may never say it again i love you... even though your feelings for me may not be the same all of my feelings, if not stronger still remain and although you would never let it because my feelings for you never quit all i ask is for one more chance to continue our once beautiful dance and together we could work out all that i did wrong and we could once again sing our long-lost song and be happy... but sadly i know this can probably never be because now only the wrongs will you see. and i will once again be what i have always been best single... with the burden of love free from my chest but know whatever the future may bring and whatever may make our hearts sting(sing) that there will always be a place inside me for you, where no one has ever been before and one of my most favorite people in the world, you, alone have the key to its door 1996111802tid242 end of what was goodas i lie here in the darkness and think of my life, so intertwined with pain and riddled with strife my thoughts could have been real, but now are merely, dreams of you and what i once held so dearly all and all i have lost nothing and gained a friend so why do i feel now that this must be the end i should be so happy to see all i did gain but when i see you, all that comes to heart is pain i feel that the caring that was once there is now gone and all that you say is part of a love-con i feel as if i'm being coned out of life and what it used to hold and now i have lost what i once was, oh how i used to be so bold i feel so cheated out of what was once within my grasp something so good that could maybe, just maybe forever last i look back now and know i cheated myself, and you and now after all this time i have missed what i would have liked to do to ask you for another chance to be together once more would you have said yes?-do i still hold the key to your door? i do not know and probably never will a place in your life i will probably never fill i am my own executioner, i have poisoned myself leaving what once was to wilt, like a neglected plant on a shelf as i can feel you steadily grow away from my heart i know deep inside that our paths must soon part and that you will care for me no longer, nor i for you we are both freed, you are happy and i should be too... so why then now do i feel so alone knowing that every night we talk on the phone i have been trying to be something i am not, and i can finally see i'm no friend, no lover, no poet just me . how could i have done nothing all these years and how could i before keep inside all these fears that are now spilling beyond my usual control and fear after fear are taking their toll i have never been anything that i would have ever liked to be and i am afraid now, life will never make me happy so many times you wondered if i could but now i wonder, wonder if i should happiness may not a part of me and maybe never was maybe i have pretended to have something i have not, as one often does sometimes i pray to the God in which i don't believe nor ever trust "help me to find something, help me, you must" my prayers often go unanswered my reward for heresy and i am left alone, to myself as probably it should be i have grown up too fast and regret what i've missed i know what they are and could even make a list but, i would bore myself as the pages went on and type from dawn till dusk and dusk till dawn so i write now and express all my sad thoughts in but a page and let you know the extent of my rage and but one thing do i lack, and fulfill myself if i could... impossible, and so all i ask is a hug from you, please if you would. 1996111901tid242 incompletenot a day goes by without regret to have gone out with you, to even have met as i feel us grow further apart day by day and it seems nothing can make you see, nothing i say were loosing each other and only god knows why i say nothings wrong but i know thats a lie im being torn apart as half of me stays with you and the other half without, whatever i do around these obstacles of life my soul tries to flow as you live further from me my soul tries to follow you, into your life where i am not wanted where you regret that we met and everything we did the part of my soul still with you feels nothing but pain and for this the part still with me has nothing to gain i wish my soul could either stay with me or follow you i'm so tired of it trying to live the two 1996112001tid242 Divorce Diverge Releaseas i look back on a life that was maybe never meant to be memories of everything that i once held so dear come crashing down on me how can i now be so weak in a world that i once felt so strong and when i've always been so right how could i have been so wrong that person i used to be, his shoes i could never fill while half of me wants to be him again, the other half, him i do long to kill by killing him i would erase all this pain i feel now always making me insane to banish the hurtful memory of him hanging over me, making my life so dim after that final day i have never felt complete surviving each and every day has become such an impossibly hard feat i think of u and how my life has turned so bleak i think of me and how i have somehow become so weak everywhere i look i see my lifes turned grey all my hopes and dreams have been somehow taken away i no longer see meaning in a life that i was once content to live and no longer can i see joy in all i had to give i do not know what to think or believe anymore and in fits of flowing tears, for you, i often fall to the floor to know how we once knew each other so well but somehow from heavens gate we abruptly fell it's over now, and in that i finally see but i never really knew the reason that we can no longer be my house, my life is nothing but an empty shell without you and it only makes that emptiness grow to know you feel it too so why would it not work again, i wish i could know with or without you someplace else i wish i could go what is left in this world that i now want love, beyond my reach has become such a taunt reaching out of the past for me, teasing what i now am my past, my future and the present i wish i could condemn Divorce , the words cleave like cold bitter steel meaning the end of my life, termination of the deal Diverge, our paths of life now forever are apart and i will no longer be held dear to your familiar heart release, i just wish this could all end release, i just wish that this life could i mend release, for i'm too old now to change what i've done release, and it's too late now to change what i've become release, i just want to let go release, and i just want to forget all these hurts that flow and flow i want more than anything for release from this life to end the pain, Release from all this strife, release, oh god please, release help me, i just want peace 1996112701tid242 wishi wish i needed u i wish i could disown u i wish i could stop by? i wish i could never come over again i wish u would call me i wish u would leave me alone i wish i could remember u i wish i could just forget i wish u would say "honey what's wrong?" i wish u wouldn't care i wish u were here i wish u didn't know where here was i wish i could understand u more i wish i couldn't think i wish u would tell me what u feel i wish i didn't want to know i wish i could stay here forever i wish i could just be somewhere else i wish there was a warm place for me i wish the warmth didn't hurt so much i wish i could see u i wish u would move away i wish u would speak to me i wish i couldn't hear what u had to say i wish i could keep thinking of u i wish i could just get you our of my fucking head i wish there was someone for me i wish i could just be left alone i wish i wasn't so confused i wish i didn't understand so well i wish we were still together i wish we never met i wish i could live forever i just wish i was dead your all i think about when i don't think of you the one thing i want so much nothing, i am content i want release from this pain keep it, pain makes u real i want to see u again please just go i know what i want i just don't know what and i wish it could be but never actually happen i wish i was happy locked in my life and i wish there was someone so i could just live by myself all of these i want but can never have both two lives i live now but walk only one... 1996120101tid242 untitledwhat is this love talked about so vainly and how can others fall into something so wrong so insanly why can't i feel like the others feel and why no ones heart can i steal what is this joy i want to love like others do i want to feel like i'm with you i want release from these chains that bind me i want to feel as though i'm free i want, what do i want? this love for me is pain this rythem of life i cannot sing and happiness to another i cannot bring 1996120201tid242 RageAmericaRagewhy can't people just mind their own way why do i have to hear their selfish thoughts day after day why can people not accept who i am my way of life, why must they condemn can't people see i look through my own eyes when they form thoughts from the medias biased lies why does america impose its religion upon me what ever happened to the land of the free america has lost its purpose, its reason for being from the government citizens are continually fleeing america was made to escape monarchy and make people of all kinds fit with our government now a monarchy have we made, and this place-what is it? it is no longer the land of the free what is now is a land of majority where no consideration is taken for the meek where the majority walks on the backs of the weak this country was made to protect the small and failure to do so will be it's downfall it's dog eat dog, friend sue friend our constitutional rights will bend and bend our rights here are no longer being upheld the constitution like the tree that created it when it was felled the people here no longer know who they are trying to be and the purpose for their ambitions they can no longer see people say they know me, how can they when they know not themselves the people here are many and unique like many many books on shelves when all the books are taken as a whole they are all the same- conforming -all without a soul but each book is unique not like the rest not conforming, not like the other books----therefore not passing americans test america has taken everything it could from many peoples because to them nothing is sacred even under their steeples where americans worship their god they no longer follow another forgotten thing once sacred now too much to swallow for this would mean we would have to see all the people we've killed not with guns or knives, minds turned to mush while being thrilled thrilled with new magic and movies from hollywood this all took peoples identities and killed them where they stood my people and my culture are dead assimilated by friends everywhere we look all we see are dead ends the time has come to take back what is ours, to rage against them and to scream to those mother fuckers "NOW DO YOU SEE? NOW YOU SEE WHO I AM?" my people have put up with their guests, you far too long and your absence of morals has made you far too strong it is time for you now to leave our home and return our land we were once free to roam and let our people be who they are with the remembrance of this america, nothing but scar a scar that is soon forgotten as a part of the past then we will be in the land of the free, free at last 1996120301tid242 darkeyesoften i peer into the cold empty dark where my existence is void, meager and stark and wonder why i keep my eyes open when there is nothing to see why not shut my unyielding eyes and from thie darkness flee NO, WAIT... withing this absence of all my eyes grow wide and i start to see some of what this darkness has to hide i see me, .... myself,... what i used to be across this taut-skinned body is an expression of strife of unfulfilled dreams, ideas of a broken life what fragments i look upon scares even me who has lived all these abominations, in which i now see and i fear these things i see with these eyes whose vision of truth i have grown to despise this admonishment oh so loudly it screams in my head, my soul, how faint, broken it seems so untrue, so unable to straighten this twisted path i've chosen so riddled with dead ends, each the result of an unforgivable sin i do not think my life will ever fulfill my wants as the past continually torments and taunts as these darkeyes look back and see all they can find my mind looks back and weeps for all that's been left behind... 1997013001tid242 i knowas my eyes slowly open i awake to this new world i see every detail of every one of the repulsive lice ridden shells that walk this plain i see the goals of all these hollow vermin that ride, romp and canabalize one another i see what i so long to know, but shield my eyes from seeing all these many nothings work, sweat, strive for but one thing, to fill themselves with blood, with cum, with work, with money, with themselves to fill these empty shells so devoid of fear, wisdom or morals all forgotten in the eternal race to feel complete to feel complete, to feel whole work, fuck, lie, steal, fuck, give, cry, take, fuck, kill, fuck, hurt, fuck, heal, fuckfuckfuck as all these beautiful bodies work, sweat, romp and fuck one another i see myself as apart 3-16-97 apart from this world, apart from this sad divotion to this sick and twisted way of life 1-4-98 apart from everything these plague rats strive to become 1-19-98 apart from the savior's heaven they so wish for themselves, so wish to be as empty as their shallow, meaningless, pseudo-divine lives 7-1-98 apart, apart, i see and i fucking fall apart my kin, my brethern, my lovers and the people i should love are all a part a part of this horrible, meager existence i wish so much more for us all, but we just don't want it oh god i wish we could see past ourselves and see what we really are beautiful, special, intelligent and godlike we fuck but never love eat but never taste watch but never see listen but never hear and live but never feel and so we piss the gift of life away all the eggs in one basket and dropped for nothing we are so much more and so much greater so much better than this pseudo-happiness we all know i just wish someday we can all see see and love, feel, give and smile and live the gift of sentience the gift of ourselves. 11-10-98 1997031601tid242 analifesometimes i see the things i hate but i always hate the things i see sometimes i taste the things i ate as they eat the insides out of me i don't know what i don't know and i can't feel what i can't reach i go against the conforming flow when i try to learn what they have to teach i see death inside this life i see life in all this pain and by living here with all this stife i see everything, which is not for me to gain die world die me death's flag is unfurled [why] am i the only one that can see? straight to hell we'll all be hurled and therein awaits salvation for me... 1997031602tid242 untitledalone, so alone in this dark room this dark world...where i lead my dark life inside this dark head my dark thoughts swirl as i think of dark unimaginable events as night falls i am surrounded by darkness when the light finally comes it doesn't touch me for i am beyond light, something it cannot enlighten for i am beyond hope...something i cannot be given i feel no pain, but neither joy nor love there is no sadness, just a void of emotion a void of darkness my feelings i supress for they are destined to kill myself i regress for i am destined to die i wish to drag no one on this dark path of life no one but i for it is the path i am to walk i wish to let no one see the second half of me for then they may choose to walk by my side and i wish this not, because i would then destroy 2 lives not just my own. 199709xx01tid242 untitledi wish i could see you but then i wish you would turn away i wish you could see me but you would loose your eyes i want only love but love equals pain i want just a smile but it would break my heart i want just a kiss but it would burn my flesh i want just myself but it isn't good enough i wish for more than this life can give this life of mine, this life of mime i want to shout! but the words won't come out they choke me, burn me, bloat me, silence me 'til i can shout no more... if you know me i will turn away if you know me you could destroy this life this life of balance walking between self-tolerance and self-hatred life, my life 199709xx02tid242 untitledon my back, it's all on my back... this fucking world will not let me walk my path i feel these nails stealing into my flesh i see these fangs sucking at my being but i do not feel, only look, i do not see, only watch for i am desensitized i have grown weary of this pathetic world a world of grief, sorrow and morons a world where i will never be anyone anyone worth being anyone anyway. . . because of the stupidity of others 199711xx01tid242 carcinogeni see me and all i dispise when i stare into your hurt blue eyes i see deeds and all i did wrong sung back to me in a sick, tormented song a song of the damned of hate and greed a song singing back my own sick creed my motto for life is "use and abuse" this scheme for you is what i now choose to hurt you, to twist you, kill and decieve to make you think what i sickly believe i will destroy your morals and leave them as dust and you will become what i see as just cracked and dried, demolished and broken smashed apart by words i have spoken slurred to hell through the drugs and the gin unheard, silenced by the sickness of sin you will be nothing when i am through you never saw it coming, you never even knew *laughter* for it is too late, you are now mine and within your soul my darkness can now shine people no long see you for what you once were just as jesus can no longer see gold, frankensence and mer and just has he was hung up for all to see you are nailed to this crusifix, which is me when people spot you it is not you they gaze upon they see a sick, wretched creature seeing its first tormented dawn for i have torn you, made you bleed and within you is my sick promiscuous seed you are now somone else both in heart and mind you say cruelties simply to be unkind gone are the smiles, the laughter, the glee and i rejoice as i know this is all because of me goodbye my whore, you bitch, my worthless pet don't ever forget you are forever in my debt! 1997120101tid242 for god so loved the worlddarkness reigns here at night where the sinners pray and the elders fright i see no light at the end of this tunnel earth becomes a black hole, light sucked down its funnel as the pope commands god for the light of day the hour of darkness becomes much less far away i smile my smile as my fangs grow longer i feel my power as it grows much stronger my wits become razor as my shoulders broaden and the ground i walked upon looks as though it hath not been trouden i see things that were once not there this dream becomes truth, your bliss my nightmare for from this voice comes an unholy truth stronger than god, mary or ruth when i speak, what i say becomes what i see i become you, and death becomes me ashes to ashes and love to sin i will watch as mankind murders its kin the kikes, the niggers, chinks and the spiks destroyed are the governments, churches and cliques it is done, fates are sealed and this rock is mine rid of all this garbage, of homo sepien swine thou givith, i take it away your debts long forgotten, which you now pay this earth is now divoid of joy and laughter this is no longer the place where you once were all is bleak for no souls reside in my kingdom and do not speak of heaven, for it is from heaven i have come! 1997120102tid242 God Of Remorseful Eventsthere's so much more, it's so much deeper. . . for i am the light, the truth and the keeper what my eyes behold i soon covet as mine what is good or bad, i wil cross that line into the past, and unknown i weave i am in darkness and live to decieve i am your apocalypse, your untold fate the beginning of the end is here, now upon this very date i am the armageddon, destroyer of your lands smell salt in your soil, feel the blood on your hands i am your fever, your pox, your boils feel your life escape, your body, clenched in my coils for i am the adder, my poison means doom i am lucifer's demon and satan's groom i am your death and your life i am reaping and from your remains my undead warriors are weeping spilling clotted blood from your sightless eyes for their own cruel existence they know to despise the sky is black and the moon is the sun my kingdom is built, the end is finally done no life exists here, only what i make i will not give life to you, for i only take! as blood-stained ashes and limbs dominate the land the broken remains of your pitiful last stand i gaze to the west and breathe the charred air i confirm that no one can fight, because no one is there a sea of writhing maggots roams the land as my pestilence worms rise up from the sand tearing the flesh of anyone who may still survive maggots and worms making them cease to be alive as i walked the bloody soil i let out a sigh of relief i have crushed this earth and proven wrong their belief my work here is done, the world is complete as i walk decaying corpses messaging my feet a crimson veil of decay smothers all life taking it away and ending all strife the tranquility death brings only i can understand all this, everything seen, this was all planned many mellenia have i waited to take this breath to inhale this sweet stagnant air, so filled with your death i grew much stronger as you grew away from your past the years, like my power, growing increadibly vast your countries, your gods, your wars, your race my sweet ending sure fixed your frenzied pace for there is nothing left of your wicked world here no TV, smiles, love or whatever you may have held dear it's all gone, swept away but for your ignorance, this, THIS! is the price you must pay for i am your salvation! i am your end i will wipe clean the slate of everything you tried to mend heaven's gates never gleamed with such might and hell's furnace never burned so incineratorly bright for neither existed before this very sick moment but your pitiful beliefs were sure this is where you would be sent so i created them both, but with a sick twist so i created them both with a flick of my wrist your fates were sealed and it was done hell for all, heaven for none [and i then proceed to abolish god and jesus] [for in my world they cannot please us] [they wreak of pus, of vomit and blood] [their power washing over me like a long dead love] [whose influence can be still felt, but power long since decayed] [i look upon them, their eyes darting, panicked and dismayed] [i send them away into the hells] [now the people are free of their totalitarian spells] for it is me, i am the giver, i am the truth, and i am the taker! i am your savior, i am your life, and i am your maker! i givith, i taketh away when i took your night i gave you day i gave you breath and i give you death i was your beginning , and i am your end your geneses was beginning and this is your end [i give my favor to those i see fit] [and none are presend in this world, this bottomless pit] so i leave you now so all alone in your hell it is your creation, so be happy this is where you eternally dwell and i leave this now, such a barren and bleak sick place and i will never be so foolish again as to create such an imperfect race! 1997120201tid242 Mirrorhow can i love when i feel no light? how can i see when i have no sight? the future surges ahead, leaving the past my friends rush forward, me stepping last the future just beyond this door a better place with so much more friends step through leaving me little choice as i cross the threshold they begin to rejoice out of the dark, out of the cold out of the stark, free of the mold i cannot rejoice, for i am a little too sad i see their joy, and it makes me mad for they have not ascended to a better place evil is an anatomic part of the human race this is not 'out with the old and in with the new' these imbeciles, their smiles, still without a fucking clue. as the champagne flies as does the confetti i ask myself 'have we been here already?' in a different place, at a different time different variations of the same old crime the scream of the past, which we blatantly ignore deafens our minds with what is in store [FOR US! the human race] [with cities sprawled out all over the place] [like a cancer which feasts on the land] [turning life to bones and rocks to sand] i see now what is about to transpire the knowledge we will so unwantingly aquire for our time is long past due now, NOW! is 'out with the old and in with the new!' [for this earth must die to be reborn] [and when we die too, no one will mourn] [for the scourge of the humans will have long since gone] [gone is the evil, and awaits a bright new dawn] in mind we all carry god's creed but in our hearts grows satan's black seed we practice two lives but live only one we embrace satan's arms as we claim to love the son to heaven or hell they are one and the same both glory, both hatred, making us insane in the end we are no different from each other brother like sister, and father like mother it is all damnations we are still the same we are as sinful as before the day jesus came as is a part of us which cannot be torn away and it is this way of life from which we shall never stray as we all come to realize all of this our warring minds, our nations buckle their fists let go of the light and embrace the dark live in death and propagate the mark the mark of darkness, of human nature for then we will meet not god, but our true creator! 1997120401tid242 I Am An Americanthey know who I am they know what I do they know where I've been and where I am going to they see me all the time with eyes in the sky, they see the divine they read my mail and listen to my voice they are shadow, and dwell just beyond my reach they are inside me and tell me just what to preach I cannot see them, but they can see me I cannot hear them, but they know my voice I cannot touch them, but they kill me every day I tell them where I live I tell them where I eat They know what I buy And they see through my own eyes They follow me, stalking, watching Every credit card I use Every check I write Every book I read Every fuck I need Every breath I breathe Every sin I teethe Every call I make Every friend I forsake Every life I touch They already own, there is never too much They know me, they control me, covet me, they are me And I am everyone else Just another carbon body, just another fucking number Just blow-back from hidden agendas But I will not lie down, I will not be beaten I will not be killed, my individuality will not be eaten I will not be assimilated, I will not give up So I will sit at their table, worship with them, and drink from their cup! I will shake their hands and be like them, NOW I AM SOMEONE! And I will take it upon myself now to control others People that I once was. Thus is freedom, thus is america! 1997120701tid242 Venomous Aryan Skin, Everyone's Lives In Neo-Ethicalityalas i awake, i rise from my slumber i leave the hell of my dreams for a hell of another my dreams, the world, i cannot differentiate between them they are one and the same, brought on by american religion in my dreams i see past and future, they are one they are amalgamated into one tortured vision they remind me that what is done will happen again as we are bound by our nature to re-live the atrocities we have committed the adultery, the purgery the genocide done by the clergy this darkness shrouds me, envelops me and smothers me making me numb from the pain, numb from the truth i see people, but i sense the presence of monsters of thieves, of witches, of demons and warlocks, wrapped in silken holy furs they are all nazis inside yet they deny that the holocaust is a part of our past just another piece of our broken, bitter puzzle our broken, bitter past at least the holocaust is remembered by someone what of the Olmecs, what of the true Africans? Native Americans, Babylonians, Eutruscans, the Zapoltecs and Toltecs? what of their cultures true beauty is remembered today? [we still think of the indians as blood-thirsty savages which waged war upon our hopeless ancestors] [do not take into account that 20 million indians were killed by smallpox] [take no heed that our helpless ancestors disobeyed their own laws to destroy the indians] [take no heed that we were the agressors, the attackers, the conquestadores!] we are the end of the world we are the un-perfect race a spoiled breed of egotistic, anthropocentric, misanthropic, self-righteousness we are death and decay, hidden behind our venomous skin we are the divine race, which takes pride in killing our kin if you are to live you are to become like us why? we have the guns, the bombs and the germs why? we are better, we are the Aryan race! why? we are right in the name of our god, which we no longer follow we say it is, and it becomes reality we say you aren't and you cease to exist we are the kings of kings we are the gods of gods we are your god if you want to earn our eternity you must be us you are all equal in the eyes of your lord but that doesn't mean that you will stand before us to be judged! and that doesn't mean that you are worth anything! you are either for us, or you are against us there is no in-between, there is no gray area you are either black or white two wrongs don't make a right because you are always wrong, and we are always right we are your world, and without us you would not exist [you would not have the technologies that have brought nothing but pain] [and without us you would be content, and there would be nothing left for you to gain] there is no such thing as contentment there is never too much there is never fulfilment and there is no such thing as an intrinsic reward! the more you have the bigger it makes you the more you have the happier you'll be more and better are one and the same happiness comes not from within it comes from without the less we feel inside the happier it makes us if you feel down go shopping if you feel empty play with your happy-meal toy for happy-meals are fucking dreams in a box just like everything else in our fucking culture let it destroy you, let it kill you and let it desensitize you from your pain there is pain only because you see the truth join us, rise above the truth rise above your individuality feel no shame for betraying your heritage and your ancestors for you are now one of us, and our promiscuous earthly glory awaits. . . just beyond your eager hands! 1997120801tid242 Christianity Inebriated Moralitymaybe you feel it is ok for you to fuck up, because god will forgive you and wash your past sins from your heathen flesh, but I have not sold my soul to god, it is mine, I will never sell myself to something that does not exist simply to say that I am better than others. And when I do something I am the one who pays the price, not jesus christ, I have to live with what I've done, I don't brainwash myself into thinking that it's ok, because I know it isn't, and I don't brainwash myself to think that I can be cleansed of my sins, because I can't be, none of us can. So I hold myself above the christians, and I try to live my life how I want it to be lived, devoid of christian hierarchy, and devoid of the blind obedience that predominates those that are below me, those that are christian. I carry myself alone, and alone I deal the problems that confront me. The divine would be happy to know that I am mature enough to take responsibility for my actions, unlike those that flush responsibility down the shit-hole of repentance. I feel real pain, but the reward for this is real joy, unlike the half-assed christian joy of brainwashing themselves to think that any action they perform can be forgiven, or that any crime they commit is justified because of their false belief in god. I do not commit crimes because I know they can never be justified, one cannot, and does not deserve to be forgiven for a crime which is unforgivable. It is untrue to the reason christianity exists as well as the Neanderthal which commits the crime, just as if I were to believe in anything as false as god I would be betraying everything that is most dear, I would be betraying me, and although christianity would, I could never forgive myself. 1997121101tid242 |