lines: 1000
words: ???

project I, the first 1000 lines


move along... these are absolutely horrific.




evil thoughts:
1994102501tid242

It's happend before it will happen again
deeds of evil, thoughts of sin
like a black mist that shrouds all
making it inpenitrable to Gods call
deep in the twisted tunnels of his mind
past deeds of evil you will find
shunned by all, for many victims death
decay, deep hatred on his breath
he stalkes at night, taking all in
remembering, storing it away for future sin
insensitive for the killing, death and rape
hiding it all beneth a beautiful cape
the cape of humor, feelings and deeds of good
people like him but is that what they should?
for beneath this cape, this cleaver disguise
all who have seen it have known to dispise
you will find a soul of black
compassion and kindness does he lack
for some sick and twisted fun
killing is what must be done
to kill the innocent it is true
to run this whole God-Damned world through
to destroy the pure, whose good deeds shine bright
slaughter them all with his superior, EVIL might
his past experiances his knowlege vast
murdering the chaste
none can find, none can stop
this man whose evils top all others that have been seen
blackening all that is yet still clean
this man who can roam free
is a danger its clear to see
stalking following roaming and killing
his deeds eventually billing
the good people like you and me
and taking away our mortallity (Virginity)
I wish he would go just pack up and leave
he has hurt enough, we still greave
I will wish forever untill one day
when it is I who must pay,
pay for the goodness that lives deep in me
for one day it's what he will see
it is in me and he will long,
long to crush my goodness it will make him strong
for that day I will be the one to die
skinned and gutted by deaths scythe
and I will travel to a place that's free
from all monsters such as he
And I will live in eternal happeniess
for with God by me always I shall not miss
the agonies shrouded by Gods bliss

who:
1994102601tid242

Nobody knew the power she possesed
that with loving care she nurtured and carressed
caring for no one else and using people for her
covering her self like a rich silken fur
she used people to up her own personal class
the people who liked her were starting to mass
but one who saw deep inside
knew who she was, what she had to hide
he was instantly silenced it was her wish, her command
she sat in her greatness only to be fanned
fanned with the loving caring smiles of all
until she needed them no more, then let them fall
fall into the sadness depression and greed
knowing not that they had been freed
freed from the slavery of loving her
of helping to be that fur
this power of hers strong with her charm
using her followers liker a mighty right arm
an arm for killing for making her world come alive
an iron fist counting down from five
bringing her horrors the monsters of dreams
this can't be happening or so it seems
yes it is she. who has come back to rule
who has supported her? OH what a fool
for she is in her place
ruling and conquering all like a death bringing mace
soon the world as you know it will cease to exist
falling into a chasm a bottomless abyss
if only you saw earlier a true picture of she
you would have seen how evil she can be
but the evil to stop oh not there
deeper, deeper you must stare
stare into the deeds and wickedness done
the torturing of children, the mudering of a nun
in a few days time the sun will rise no more
held down by the blackness, not letting it soar
at this time world will be slain
all those from the poor and the good, the rich and the Vain
the world will then bow down to it's new Majesty
not a soul will be left to roam wild and free
she will find the secrets of creation
destroy us all then make a new nation
a nation of torment that will all bow down to her
what will be left not a soul that is sure
she will be nothing there is nothing left to take
she will bring bodies but for realness there are souls to make
a soul is sacred beyond even her ability to build
and without them the bodies can never be filled
for it is not living without a soul
just as it is not pretty if it's black and empty as a hole
so keep persons away persons such as her
for your soul is your own, always be sure

darkness:
1994102701tid242

The darkness is growing like a black poison cloud
making all suffer their screaming, cries of anguish heard loud
everything it touches must wither and die
felled in their steps like waves of wheat, cut with a scythe
this black death, this sickness growing
eventually the black boils begin to start showing
how to stop it, how to hide
someone you love is dying by your side
spreading by touch by sound by stare
carried by all the poor and the fair
it's nothing you or I have seen before
the suffering becoming more and more
many people carry not knowing that they are
carriers of the sickness bringing it far
this death is unstopable wasting them all
for everything it touches must whither and fall
carried by friends, spread by air,
all water made unfair
unfair by killing by being unpure
everything stricken by terrable fear
fear of dying of suffering in hell
many have rotted for years before they finally fell
you know you will die your heart will never soar
who gave and carries, that cheeting worthless whore
it's been here for years but no one cared
not worring about how others fared
caring not that they had given death
to those with loving words on their breath
If you love me you will go away
not to come again this way
for if you do you will surely die
by the people who love you and will lie
lie to comfort their own souls
as their death bells ring making long tolls
how could this come this plauge this fire
its black flame making our existince dire
you must go far across the sea
what you will find is far beond me
if death is there you shall not survive
this black, this evil coming alive
taking all that is worth to you
taking your looks, your face what can I do?
there is nothing, no cure for this
with you gone away oh how I'll miss
you, your laugh the sparkle of your eye
knowing then I must surly die
for I love you and for me to see
your body whithered black will be crushing to me
But I will know that you will be happy and free
For your goodness will be the key
for the kingdom and happeniess to be with Him
the father almighty will protect you from sin

never:
1994110201tid242

i shall never love again
what you did was a sin
breaking me, i will never be whole
when you left me you took also my soul
wherever you go my soul will be too
and my thoughts will be forever of you

back:
1994110201tid242

Here he has come come back from the dead
at the table of death he will sit at the head
for he is the master and has again returned to rule this earth
tourtering and killing in all his mirth
as it is fortold
by the prophersies of old
in a thousand years death shall reign high
the good and the pure on the ground shall die
die in pools of their own and others blood
this blood shall dampen the soil to mud
in this decay the seeds will be planted
for his generals will arive and the tables will be slanted
out of this death seven soulders shall rise
for these undead worriors all life they shall despise
they shall be the wind of death from heavens gate
to steal the souls of all on the fortold date
all will be damned-none will be missed
everyone acounted for on his ancient list
a power such as this the world has never faced
for everyones heart-blood he shall soon taste
no happenies in heven no luxuary of hell
out of existance your soul he shall expell
this is the world that will soon come to be
clense your heart, clense your soul and for one last time be free
then when you hear him call "come to me"
a part of the death you will be

eternal:
1994111201tid242

His power within
will deal sin
deal it to all that he sees fit
fit to die to step down to sit
to sit in misery anguish and pain
killing his family not even for fame
kiling because he felt they should die
escape escape did they try
but to no avail
Gods help would not prevail
for this mans strengths go behond what is right
an unatural power growing by night
he is slaughtering them all
nightly do new ones fall
soon there will be none left to fight
all will be dead in their plight
this man there is no way to end
no way to kill or his deeds to mend
for he is all evil no a spark of good left in him
the light of his eyes go dim
laking the compationate gaze
that is the gift from god to all human kind, then he lays
lays down the thrown for one far more evil than he
didn't we see it coming?, WHY DIDN'T WE SEE?
this new mans power all others is does excede
in the garden of darkness he plants the final seed
the seed that will end the world, his plans none can foil
then his undead legeons will rise from the soil
then the things of dead, long passed away
will once again come our way
bringing death and horror into the street
to venture out with death you will meet
for the Prince of Darkness will rise to power
then it will rain(Reign) death we shall recieve our shower
this mans power can keep us away from even the father
to try to live why bother
for we will all die two days time
then he will quote "The World is MINE"
to go to heven we will not
even though that is what we have long sought
our souls shall wonder this wretched world
or straight to hell we will be hurled
we will wonder longing to feel the warmth of life
but to have it for only a brief time we must kill, oh the strife
finally we will give in to our need
need for blood to feel freed
freed from deaths eternal grasp
but it will never let go, like a clasp
a clasp that is old and sealed shut
our souls will it cut
into ribbons to shreads of dead
we will be mindless nothings wanting blood, wanting to be fed.

unbelieve:
1994112701tid242

No, I don't believe
this is all just some way to decieve
decieve the public make them hear what they want
to speak aginst this is as dumb as to taunt
taunt a charging bull its horns aimed straight and true
but if I really don't believe what am I to do
for I honestly believe there is none above us
no God no Jesus no satin-so don't fuss
yet at the same time I wish I could love
God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit when it appeared to man as a holy white dove
-BUT-
let the children sing
let the churh bells ring
let the sunlight shine upon the shimmering snow
-(all this doesn't change what I know)-
let the teachers teach
let the preachers preach
let their words of wisdom shine raidiantly upon my face
-(but it still doesn't give me the spirits grace)-
let the versis ryme
let the bell choir chime
let the beautiful music touch my heart
and coldly I say
"God now our paths must part"
()
I am lost
what to believe I know not
I have forgotten all I have been tought
how can they follow so blindly-follow what is not truely there
I am not ready to believe, they try to make me - how can they dare?
for I must find on my own
Gods grace must be shown
shown when only I can see
I need him to open my eyes so they can gaze upon what is precious to me.
for now I'm scared to believe that the bible is true
straighten myself out is what I must do
()
I can see when I die- die in my dreams, in my mind
but, like everywhere else the answeres there I don't find
for in my dreams there is truely heaven and hell
and after I died I fell
fell and fell into the depths of the place not spoken
and my unbelief, my dought was my ticket, my token
for all unbelievers are destined to fall
to Hell-to be mangled and burned like a ragged old doll
then I wake from my sleep drenched in sweat
for in my sleep the devil have I met.
()
I'm afraid- God please take me into your loving arms
forgive me and spare me your charms
for I need them not I have seen the true light
now-unlike those who follow blindly---I will follow with sight !

seed2:
1994121301tid242

from the back-perfection
from the front-again perfection
look on the outside and she is perfect and good as can be
but look deep inside and a dark side you will see
for she hides it well from all those who look
but to find it you must search every fold and every nook
every bit of her soul you must read
what you will find is nothing but a seed
a seed waiting, waiting to grow
when, is for no man to know
but sprout it must-just as the sun must set
sprout to reclaim what is hers and repay the debt
the debt of sins long forgotten, of conquestadores long gone
her coming will bring forth a new kind of dawn
a dawn in which an angry moon shall rise for the sun
when this transpires the sages will close the books of history in acceptance the world is done
as has been long fortold
written time and time again in the books of old
she will repay what has been long forgotten
what has been accepted as GOD's work and not sin,
the genocide of peoples past and present
in our own curve of progress we have made a dent
the obstruction of truth, justice and progress in the name of Him
what has been done in his name has made our understanding grow dim

nothing:
1994121302tid242

i wish there was a place for me
a place where i could be happy and free
in my world there would be no pain
everyone would be equal, there would be nothing to gain
but there shall be no place such as this
not for me-for when i leave this world there will be nothing to miss
and nothing to gain
never will i shake this insanity i shall never be sane
for even God has turned his cold back upon me
Why didn't i believe earlier why didn't i see
for now i know there is no way out
i am just a useless lout
i have been to hell-it's not like they say
no fire-not hot there're no tourtured souls, its empty day after day
for there are no souls to scream
like you might have seen in your dream,
there is no fire for fire does burn
real pain that makes your blood boil and churn
but in hell there is nothing, empty and void
in hell all souls are stolen and all love destroyed
even fire would be better than this empty pit
but i am doomed forever there i will sit.


circle


Every time this happens its the same vicious circle
I need to belong to inside feel full
every time its the same fucked up shit i do
all that time i'm just trying to impress you
i ,-
i just want something i know ill never get
a place inside of you, i know ill never fit
its just dreams i live on they can sometimes make me feel loved
like im not being pushed around, forever being shoved
shoved from place to place never to belong
to any group, to anyones life song
i open up once a year to you trying to be bold
i am destroyed just as a blooming rose left in the uncaring cold
just as the first frost burns each pedal
so am i by your warmth like metal
if only forever we could have talked
now your mind will be eternally locked
locking out all that i may do and say
hating me more and more each and every day
maybe i have lived in darkness for far too long
singing in darkness this same sad song
my ideas are great my dreams are bold
if i have tried to live any of them no one has been told
yes for i keep my dreams secret well out of harms way
for if not they would get trampled every day
this is the want for friendship not money not lust
but every day i see you my dreams are turned to dust

1995092701tid242





punity



in the dead of night as you look to the sky
as you peer relentlessly at the eternal stars
billions upon billions of stars burning,
burning billions upon billions of miles away
one can't help but be reminded of ones pure insignificance
to think, the punity of one person in the whole world,
standing on one planet revolving around one star,
endlessly circling in one galaxy
in the infinitely expansive universe
people believe that life on earth is unique and special
that there is life on one body in the entire universe
which would take you billions of years to cross traveling at the speed of light
what a geocentric view to think that earth would be granted
a commodity so infinitely rare and precious that there would be nothing like it anywhere
and there never was nor will be EVER how vain and foolish are we
to think a divine figure a GOD would create such an imperfect race of mortals
on one place in infinity
to watch and protect such an imperfect world
how arrogant are we
to engage in such anthropocentric views as to compare ourselves
as far superior to nature and the cosmos
we are nothing, and scared to acknowledge the fact that we never have been
or will be anything of any significance, ever

1996081401tid242


cause: [written for SCHOOL]



who knew if his soul could have been saved
if a fate could have been averted, though long ago paved
paved with a promise made to one
who could steal his future and cover the sun
shield him from its rays of light
keeping him in darkness to wither in blight
oh how he was foolish and taken with ease
and to what greater purpose, what GOD did he please
selling his being for a single earthly wonder
his doing is now the worlds greatest blunder
for he has not sold himself, but sold off the world
into a new age of darkness we will now all be hurled
like the brethren of Drows to be cast down from the light
to tumble in darkness never to regain our sight
what manner of creature would give up his soul
to put the world in shadow, to pay this god awful toll
for by selling himself to some GOD long forgotten
spoiling his life and turning his skin cold and rotten
he had left his body devoid of a soul
just an empty husk, an infernal hole
his body was soon filled by the one doing the taking
a long forgotten power not happy with our making
as the new power spreads, inexorably creeping
our fate draws nearer, when LIFE, DEATH will soon be reaping
night after night more flock to his banner
to live in his kingdom, his fortress, his manner
for it has been many thousands of years since people have seen true power
in the new presence all those still of mind tremble and cower
for his presence will soon be a part of this earth
our pain and anguish the cause of his mirth
for he shall reign on high with an iron fist
all will be taken, none will be missed
all will be left for his minions to eat
savoring the taste of the long decayed meat
he will rule a world devoid of all life
but to him it will be a world free of all strife
the strife of beings' earthly chatter
the strife of warring riffles continuous clatter
in his world it will be only him
and to his creations the world will not look grim
for it will be their home their right by birth
never knowing before that it was once our beautiful earth
they will cherish their world though never seeing the sun
for darkness is now their home and from it they shall never run
living in a world of only darkness and despair
living without HIM they wouldn't even dare
all this pain for one simple error
of this mans past i would not want to be bearer
for the fate of the world once rested on his shoulders
but trading it all for a set of new notebook folders
what students must go through to get their materials to class
to hold all their assignments in order to pass
the fate of the world now rests on the teachers
no longer on the shamans and fanatical preachers
next to what it could be the world is one of peace
and to keep it that way, all homework assignments must cease!

1996092701tid242





all i miss



i miss you
i miss all the stuff we used to do
how we used to be so happy together
how we always seemed so sure
staying up late with each other because neither wanted to go
was it all worth it i really don't know

sometimes i think this unbearible pain can never be endured
and maybe we could still be together if i had just matured
i look back now and see what i did wrong
how i left you alone to sing our duet's song
if only i knew i could care so much, about you
and to be there again , anything i would do
those late nights in each others arms
so enchanted by each others charms
all those late nights with you has brought me nothing but pain
and when i think of you i think i'll never be the same
then i think of all those joys we used to share
and to think i would be myself if it wasn't for valleyfair
but all the good times outweigh this time of need
and even though i know it not now i'm finally freed


1996111801tid242





what must be



how i long now only to be with you
and to fulfill that longing almost anything i would do
to feel the security of your warm embrace
and the loving look you gave me as i gazed into your face
to see that fiery compassion burning in your eyes
and to lay with you and hear your sweet little sighs
sighs of contentment, just to be with me
it all becomes so clear and suddenly i can see
see what we had and how i let it slip away
and just to have it all back, how very dearly i would pay
for now i can see what i did
how i acted as just a jealous little kid
have i really grown up i do not know
i guess to you only time will show
show how hard i'm trying to be what i could
and to do the right things, all the things that i should
now i'm telling you everything, everything i feel
and how i know that it was i who broke the deal
so for breaking up don't feel guilt nor shame
because i know it was me who put out our flame
and knowing what i did, makes me sad
to know how i hurt you and made you feel bad
and i'm sorry...
but i cannot take back what i have done
just as you can't live two days under the same days sun
so now all i can do is apologize and hope you know i'm sincere
and that you above all things is what i hold most dear
i LOVE you, i've said it before, and to say that to you feels like sin
to know you can never return the thought, and so i may never say it again
i love you...
even though your feelings for me may not be the same
all of my feelings, if not stronger still remain
and although you would never let it
because my feelings for you never quit
all i ask is for one more chance
to continue our once beautiful dance
and together we could work out all that i did wrong
and we could once again sing our long-lost song
and be happy...
but sadly i know this can probably never be
because now only the wrongs will you see.
and i will once again be what i have always been best
single... with the burden of love free from my chest
but know whatever the future may bring
and whatever may make our hearts sting(sing)
that there will always be a place inside me for you, where no one has ever been before
and one of my most favorite people in the world, you, alone have the key to its door

1996111802tid242





end of what was good



as i lie here in the darkness and think of my life,
so intertwined with pain and riddled with strife
my thoughts could have been real, but now are merely,
dreams of you and what i once held so dearly
all and all i have lost nothing and gained a friend
so why do i feel now that this must be the end
i should be so happy to see all i did gain
but when i see you, all that comes to heart is pain
i feel that the caring that was once there is now gone
and all that you say is part of a love-con
i feel as if i'm being coned out of life and what it used to hold
and now i have lost what i once was, oh how i used to be so bold
i feel so cheated out of what was once within my grasp
something so good that could maybe, just maybe forever last
i look back now and know i cheated myself, and you
and now after all this time i have missed what i would have liked to do
to ask you for another chance to be together once more
would you have said yes?-do i still hold the key to your door?
i do not know and probably never will
a place in your life i will probably never fill
i am my own executioner, i have poisoned myself
leaving what once was to wilt, like a neglected plant on a shelf
as i can feel you steadily grow away from my heart
i know deep inside that our paths must soon part
and that you will care for me no longer, nor i for you
we are both freed, you are happy and i should be too...
so why then now do i feel so alone
knowing that every night we talk on the phone
i have been trying to be something i am not, and i can finally see
i'm no friend, no lover, no poet just me .
how could i have done nothing all these years
and how could i before keep inside all these fears
that are now spilling beyond my usual control
and fear after fear are taking their toll
i have never been anything that i would have ever liked to be
and i am afraid now, life will never make me happy
so many times you wondered if i could
but now i wonder, wonder if i should
happiness may not a part of me and maybe never was
maybe i have pretended to have something i have not, as one often does
sometimes i pray to the God in which i don't believe nor ever trust
"help me to find something, help me, you must"
my prayers often go unanswered my reward for heresy
and i am left alone, to myself as probably it should be
i have grown up too fast and regret what i've missed
i know what they are and could even make a list
but, i would bore myself as the pages went on
and type from dawn till dusk and dusk till dawn
so i write now and express all my sad thoughts in but a page
and let you know the extent of my rage
and but one thing do i lack, and fulfill myself if i could...
impossible, and so all i ask is a hug from you, please if you would.

1996111901tid242





incomplete



not a day goes by without regret
to have gone out with you, to even have met
as i feel us grow further apart day by day
and it seems nothing can make you see, nothing i say
were loosing each other and only god knows why
i say nothings wrong but i know thats a lie
im being torn apart as half of me stays with you
and the other half without, whatever i do
around these obstacles of life my soul tries to flow
as you live further from me my soul tries to follow
you, into your life where i am not wanted
where you regret that we met and everything we did
the part of my soul still with you feels nothing but pain
and for this the part still with me has nothing to gain
i wish my soul could either stay with me or follow you
i'm so tired of it trying to live the two

1996112001tid242





Divorce Diverge Release



as i look back on a life that was maybe never meant to be
memories of everything that i once held so dear come crashing down on me
how can i now be so weak in a world that i once felt so strong
and when i've always been so right how could i have been so wrong
that person i used to be, his shoes i could never fill
while half of me wants to be him again, the other half, him i do long to
kill
by killing him i would erase all this pain
i feel now always making me insane
to banish the hurtful memory of him
hanging over me, making my life so dim
after that final day i have never felt complete
surviving each and every day has become such an impossibly hard feat
i think of u and how my life has turned so bleak
i think of me and how i have somehow become so weak
everywhere i look i see my lifes turned grey
all my hopes and dreams have been somehow taken away
i no longer see meaning in a life that i was once content to live
and no longer can i see joy in all i had to give
i do not know what to think or believe anymore
and in fits of flowing tears, for you, i often fall to the floor
to know how we once knew each other so well
but somehow from heavens gate we abruptly fell
it's over now, and in that i finally see
but i never really knew the reason that we can no longer be
my house, my life is nothing but an empty shell without you
and it only makes that emptiness grow to know you feel it too
so why would it not work again, i wish i could know
with or without you someplace else i wish i could go
what is left in this world that i now want
love, beyond my reach has become such a taunt
reaching out of the past for me, teasing what i now am
my past, my future and the present i wish i could condemn
Divorce , the words cleave like cold bitter steel
meaning the end of my life, termination of the deal
Diverge, our paths of life now forever are apart
and i will no longer be held dear to your familiar heart
release, i just wish this could all end
release, i just wish that this life could i mend
release, for i'm too old now to change what i've done
release, and it's too late now to change what i've become
release, i just want to let go
release, and i just want to forget all these hurts that flow and flow
i want more than anything for release from this life
to end the pain, Release from all this strife,
release, oh god please, release
help me, i just want peace

1996112701tid242





wish



i wish i needed u
i wish i could disown u
i wish i could stop by?
i wish i could never come over again
i wish u would call me
i wish u would leave me alone
i wish i could remember u
i wish i could just forget
i wish u would say "honey what's wrong?"
i wish u wouldn't care
i wish u were here
i wish u didn't know where here was
i wish i could understand u more
i wish i couldn't think
i wish u would tell me what u feel
i wish i didn't want to know
i wish i could stay here forever
i wish i could just be somewhere else
i wish there was a warm place for me
i wish the warmth didn't hurt so much
i wish i could see u
i wish u would move away
i wish u would speak to me
i wish i couldn't hear what u had to say
i wish i could keep thinking of u
i wish i could just get you our of my fucking head
i wish there was someone for me
i wish i could just be left alone
i wish i wasn't so confused
i wish i didn't understand so well
i wish we were still together
i wish we never met
i wish i could live forever
i just wish i was dead
your all i think about
when i don't think of you
the one thing i want so much
nothing, i am content
i want release from this pain
keep it, pain makes u real
i want to see u again
please just go
i know what i want
i just don't know what
and i wish it could be
but never actually happen
i wish i was happy
locked in my life
and i wish there was someone
so i could just live by myself
all of these i want but can never have both
two lives i live now but walk only one...

1996120101tid242





untitled



what is this love talked about so vainly
and how can others fall into something so wrong so insanly
why can't i feel like the others feel
and why no ones heart can i steal
what is this joy


i want to love like others do
i want to feel like i'm with you
i want release from these chains that bind me
i want to feel as though i'm free
i want, what do i want?

this love for me is pain

this rythem of life i cannot sing
and happiness to another i cannot bring


1996120201tid242





RageAmericaRage



why can't people just mind their own way
why do i have to hear their selfish thoughts day after day
why can people not accept who i am
my way of life, why must they condemn
can't people see i look through my own eyes
when they form thoughts from the medias biased lies
why does america impose its religion upon me
what ever happened to the land of the free
america has lost its purpose, its reason for being
from the government citizens are continually fleeing
america was made to escape monarchy and make people of all kinds fit
with our government now a monarchy have we made, and this place-what is it?
it is no longer the land of the free
what is now is a land of majority
where no consideration is taken for the meek
where the majority walks on the backs of the weak
this country was made to protect the small
and failure to do so will be it's downfall
it's dog eat dog, friend sue friend
our constitutional rights will bend and bend
our rights here are no longer being upheld
the constitution like the tree that created it when it was felled
the people here no longer know who they are trying to be
and the purpose for their ambitions they can no longer see
people say they know me, how can they when they know not themselves
the people here are many and unique like many many books on shelves
when all the books are taken as a whole
they are all the same- conforming -all without a soul
but each book is unique not like the rest
not conforming, not like the other books----therefore not passing americans test
america has taken everything it could from many peoples
because to them nothing is sacred even under their steeples
where americans worship their god they no longer follow
another forgotten thing once sacred now too much to swallow
for this would mean we would have to see all the people we've killed
not with guns or knives, minds turned to mush while being thrilled
thrilled with new magic and movies from hollywood
this all took peoples identities and killed them where they stood
my people and my culture are dead assimilated by friends
everywhere we look all we see are dead ends
the time has come to take back what is ours, to rage against them
and to scream to those mother fuckers "NOW DO YOU SEE? NOW YOU SEE WHO I AM?"
my people have put up with their guests, you far too long
and your absence of morals has made you far too strong
it is time for you now to leave our home
and return our land we were once free to roam
and let our people be who they are
with the remembrance of this america, nothing but scar
a scar that is soon forgotten as a part of the past
then we will be in the land of the free, free at last

1996120301tid242





darkeyes



often i peer into the cold empty dark
where my existence is void, meager and stark
and wonder why i keep my eyes open when there is nothing to see
why not shut my unyielding eyes and from thie darkness flee
NO, WAIT... withing this absence of all my eyes grow wide
and i start to see some of what this darkness has to hide
i see me, .... myself,... what i used to be
across this taut-skinned body is an expression of strife
of unfulfilled dreams, ideas of a broken life
what fragments i look upon scares even me
who has lived all these abominations, in which i now see
and i fear these things i see with these eyes
whose vision of truth i have grown to despise
this admonishment oh so loudly it screams
in my head, my soul, how faint, broken it seems
so untrue, so unable to straighten this twisted path i've chosen
so riddled with dead ends, each the result of an unforgivable sin
i do not think my life will ever fulfill my wants
as the past continually torments and taunts
as these darkeyes look back and see all they can find
my mind looks back and weeps for all that's been left behind...

1997013001tid242





i know



as my eyes slowly open i awake to this new world
i see every detail of every one of the repulsive lice ridden shells that walk this plain
i see the goals of all these hollow vermin that ride, romp and canabalize one another
i see what i so long to know, but shield my eyes from seeing
all these many nothings work, sweat, strive for but one thing, to fill themselves
with blood, with cum, with work, with money, with themselves
to fill these empty shells so devoid of fear, wisdom or morals
all forgotten in the eternal race to feel complete
to feel complete, to feel whole
work, fuck, lie, steal, fuck, give, cry, take, fuck, kill, fuck, hurt, fuck, heal, fuckfuckfuck
as all these beautiful bodies work, sweat, romp and fuck one another i see myself as apart
3-16-97
apart from this world, apart from this sad divotion to this sick and twisted way of life
1-4-98
apart from everything these plague rats strive to become
1-19-98
apart from the savior's heaven they so wish for themselves, so wish to be as empty as their shallow, meaningless, pseudo-divine lives
7-1-98
apart, apart, i see and i fucking fall apart
my kin, my brethern, my lovers and the people i should love are all a part
a part of this horrible, meager existence
i wish so much more for us all, but we just don't want it
oh god i wish we could see past ourselves and see what we really are
beautiful, special, intelligent and godlike
we fuck but never love
eat but never taste
watch but never see
listen but never hear
and live but never feel
and so we piss the gift of life away
all the eggs in one basket and dropped for nothing
we are so much more and so much greater
so much better than this pseudo-happiness we all know
i just wish someday we can all see
see and love, feel, give and smile
and live the gift of sentience
the gift of ourselves.
11-10-98

1997031601tid242





analife



sometimes i see the things i hate
but i always hate the things i see
sometimes i taste the things i ate
as they eat the insides out of me
i don't know what i don't know
and i can't feel what i can't reach
i go against the conforming flow
when i try to learn what they have to teach
i see death inside this life
i see life in all this pain
and by living here with all this stife
i see everything, which is not for me to gain
die world
die me
death's flag is unfurled
[why] am i the only one that can see?
straight to hell we'll all be hurled
and therein awaits salvation for me...

1997031602tid242





untitled



alone, so alone in this dark room
this dark world...where i lead my dark life
inside this dark head my dark thoughts swirl
as i think of dark unimaginable events
as night falls i am surrounded by darkness
when the light finally comes it doesn't touch me
for i am beyond light, something it cannot enlighten
for i am beyond hope...something i cannot be given
i feel no pain, but neither joy nor love
there is no sadness, just a void of emotion
a void of darkness

my feelings i supress for they are destined to kill
myself i regress for i am destined to die

i wish to drag no one on this dark path of life
no one but i for it is the path i am to walk
i wish to let no one see the second half of me
for then they may choose to walk by my side
and i wish this not, because i would then destroy 2 lives
not just my own.

199709xx01tid242





untitled



i wish i could see you
but then i wish you would turn away
i wish you could see me
but you would loose your eyes
i want only love
but love equals pain
i want just a smile
but it would break my heart
i want just a kiss
but it would burn my flesh
i want just myself
but it isn't good enough
i wish for more than this life can give
this life of mine, this life of mime
i want to shout!
but the words won't come out
they choke me, burn me, bloat me, silence me
'til i can shout no more...
if you know me i will turn away
if you know me you could destroy this life
this life of balance
walking between self-tolerance and self-hatred
life, my life

199709xx02tid242





untitled



on my back, it's all on my back...
this fucking world will not let me walk my path
i feel these nails stealing into my flesh
i see these fangs sucking at my being
but i do not feel, only look, i do not see, only watch
for i am desensitized
i have grown weary of this pathetic world
a world of grief, sorrow and morons
a world where i will never be anyone
anyone worth being anyone anyway. . . because of the stupidity of others

199711xx01tid242





carcinogen



i see me and all i dispise
when i stare into your hurt blue eyes
i see deeds and all i did wrong
sung back to me in a sick, tormented song
a song of the damned of hate and greed
a song singing back my own sick creed
my motto for life is "use and abuse"
this scheme for you is what i now choose
to hurt you, to twist you, kill and decieve
to make you think what i sickly believe
i will destroy your morals and leave them as dust
and you will become what i see as just
cracked and dried, demolished and broken
smashed apart by words i have spoken
slurred to hell through the drugs and the gin
unheard, silenced by the sickness of sin
you will be nothing when i am through
you never saw it coming, you never even knew
*laughter* for it is too late, you are now mine
and within your soul my darkness can now shine
people no long see you for what you once were
just as jesus can no longer see gold, frankensence and mer
and just has he was hung up for all to see
you are nailed to this crusifix, which is me
when people spot you it is not you they gaze upon
they see a sick, wretched creature seeing its first tormented dawn
for i have torn you, made you bleed
and within you is my sick promiscuous seed
you are now somone else both in heart and mind
you say cruelties simply to be unkind
gone are the smiles, the laughter, the glee
and i rejoice as i know this is all because of me
goodbye my whore, you bitch, my worthless pet
don't ever forget you are forever in my debt!

1997120101tid242




for god so loved the world



darkness reigns here at night
where the sinners pray and the elders fright
i see no light at the end of this tunnel
earth becomes a black hole, light sucked down its funnel
as the pope commands god for the light of day
the hour of darkness becomes much less far away
i smile my smile as my fangs grow longer
i feel my power as it grows much stronger
my wits become razor as my shoulders broaden
and the ground i walked upon looks as though it hath not been trouden
i see things that were once not there
this dream becomes truth, your bliss my nightmare
for from this voice comes an unholy truth
stronger than god, mary or ruth
when i speak, what i say becomes what i see
i become you, and death becomes me
ashes to ashes and love to sin
i will watch as mankind murders its kin
the kikes, the niggers, chinks and the spiks
destroyed are the governments, churches and cliques
it is done, fates are sealed and this rock is mine
rid of all this garbage, of homo sepien swine
thou givith, i take it away
your debts long forgotten, which you now pay
this earth is now divoid of joy and laughter
this is no longer the place where you once were
all is bleak for no souls reside in my kingdom
and do not speak of heaven, for it is from heaven i have come!

1997120102tid242



God Of Remorseful Events


there's so much more, it's so much deeper. . .
for i am the light, the truth and the keeper
what my eyes behold i soon covet as mine
what is good or bad, i wil cross that line
into the past, and unknown i weave
i am in darkness and live to decieve
i am your apocalypse, your untold fate
the beginning of the end is here, now upon this very date
i am the armageddon, destroyer of your lands
smell salt in your soil, feel the blood on your hands
i am your fever, your pox, your boils
feel your life escape, your body, clenched in my coils
for i am the adder, my poison means doom
i am lucifer's demon and satan's groom
i am your death and your life i am reaping
and from your remains my undead warriors are weeping
spilling clotted blood from your sightless eyes
for their own cruel existence they know to despise
the sky is black and the moon is the sun
my kingdom is built, the end is finally done
no life exists here, only what i make
i will not give life to you, for i only take!
as blood-stained ashes and limbs dominate the land
the broken remains of your pitiful last stand
i gaze to the west and breathe the charred air
i confirm that no one can fight, because no one is there
a sea of writhing maggots roams the land
as my pestilence worms rise up from the sand
tearing the flesh of anyone who may still survive
maggots and worms making them cease to be alive
as i walked the bloody soil i let out a sigh of relief
i have crushed this earth and proven wrong their belief
my work here is done, the world is complete
as i walk decaying corpses messaging my feet
a crimson veil of decay smothers all life
taking it away and ending all strife
the tranquility death brings only i can understand
all this, everything seen, this was all planned
many mellenia have i waited to take this breath
to inhale this sweet stagnant air, so filled with your death
i grew much stronger as you grew away from your past
the years, like my power, growing increadibly vast
your countries, your gods, your wars, your race
my sweet ending sure fixed your frenzied pace
for there is nothing left of your wicked world here
no TV, smiles, love or whatever you may have held dear
it's all gone, swept away
but for your ignorance, this, THIS! is the price you must pay
for i am your salvation! i am your end
i will wipe clean the slate of everything you tried to mend
heaven's gates never gleamed with such might
and hell's furnace never burned so incineratorly bright
for neither existed before this very sick moment
but your pitiful beliefs were sure this is where you would be sent
so i created them both, but with a sick twist
so i created them both with a flick of my wrist
your fates were sealed and it was done
hell for all, heaven for none
[and i then proceed to abolish god and jesus]
[for in my world they cannot please us]
[they wreak of pus, of vomit and blood]
[their power washing over me like a long dead love]
[whose influence can be still felt, but power long since decayed]
[i look upon them, their eyes darting, panicked and dismayed]
[i send them away into the hells]
[now the people are free of their totalitarian spells]
for it is me, i am the giver, i am the truth, and i am the taker!
i am your savior, i am your life, and i am your maker!
i givith, i taketh away
when i took your night i gave you day
i gave you breath
and i give you death
i was your beginning , and i am your end
your geneses was beginning and this is your end
[i give my favor to those i see fit]
[and none are presend in this world, this bottomless pit]
so i leave you now so all alone in your hell
it is your creation, so be happy this is where you eternally dwell
and i leave this now, such a barren and bleak sick place
and i will never be so foolish again as to create such an imperfect race!


1997120201tid242




Mirror



how can i love when i feel no light?
how can i see when i have no sight?
the future surges ahead, leaving the past
my friends rush forward, me stepping last
the future just beyond this door
a better place with so much more
friends step through leaving me little choice
as i cross the threshold they begin to rejoice
out of the dark, out of the cold
out of the stark, free of the mold
i cannot rejoice, for i am a little too sad
i see their joy, and it makes me mad
for they have not ascended to a better place
evil is an anatomic part of the human race
this is not 'out with the old and in with the new'
these imbeciles, their smiles, still without a fucking clue.
as the champagne flies as does the confetti
i ask myself 'have we been here already?'
in a different place, at a different time
different variations of the same old crime
the scream of the past, which we blatantly ignore
deafens our minds with what is in store
[FOR US! the human race]
[with cities sprawled out all over the place]
[like a cancer which feasts on the land]
[turning life to bones and rocks to sand]
i see now what is about to transpire
the knowledge we will so unwantingly aquire
for our time is long past due
now, NOW! is 'out with the old and in with the new!'
[for this earth must die to be reborn]
[and when we die too, no one will mourn]
[for the scourge of the humans will have long since gone]
[gone is the evil, and awaits a bright new dawn]
in mind we all carry god's creed
but in our hearts grows satan's black seed
we practice two lives but live only one
we embrace satan's arms as we claim to love the son
to heaven or hell they are one and the same
both glory, both hatred, making us insane
in the end we are no different from each other
brother like sister, and father like mother
it is all damnations we are still the same
we are as sinful as before the day jesus came
as is a part of us which cannot be torn away
and it is this way of life from which we shall never stray
as we all come to realize all of this
our warring minds, our nations buckle their fists
let go of the light and embrace the dark
live in death and propagate the mark
the mark of darkness, of human nature
for then we will meet not god, but our true creator!


1997120401tid242





I Am An American



they know who I am
they know what I do
they know where I've been
and where I am going to
they see me
all the time
with eyes in the sky, they see the divine
they read my mail
and listen to my voice
they are shadow, and dwell just beyond my reach
they are inside me and tell me just what to preach
I cannot see them, but they can see me
I cannot hear them, but they know my voice
I cannot touch them, but they kill me every day
I tell them where I live
I tell them where I eat
They know what I buy
And they see through my own eyes
They follow me, stalking, watching
Every credit card I use
Every check I write
Every book I read
Every fuck I need
Every breath I breathe
Every sin I teethe
Every call I make
Every friend I forsake
Every life I touch
They already own, there is never too much
They know me, they control me, covet me, they are me
And I am everyone else
Just another carbon body, just another fucking number
Just blow-back from hidden agendas
But I will not lie down, I will not be beaten
I will not be killed, my individuality will not be eaten
I will not be assimilated, I will not give up
So I will sit at their table, worship with them, and drink from their cup!
I will shake their hands and be like them,
NOW I AM SOMEONE!
And I will take it upon myself now to control others
People that I once was.
Thus is freedom, thus is america!


1997120701tid242





Venomous Aryan Skin, Everyone's Lives In Neo-Ethicality



alas i awake, i rise from my slumber
i leave the hell of my dreams for a hell of another
my dreams, the world, i cannot differentiate between them
they are one and the same, brought on by american religion
in my dreams i see past and future, they are one
they are amalgamated into one tortured vision
they remind me that what is done will happen again
as we are bound by our nature to re-live the atrocities we have committed
the adultery, the purgery
the genocide done by the clergy
this darkness shrouds me, envelops me and smothers me
making me numb from the pain, numb from the truth
i see people, but i sense the presence of monsters
of thieves, of witches, of demons and warlocks, wrapped in silken holy furs
they are all nazis inside
yet they deny that the holocaust is a part of our past
just another piece of our broken, bitter puzzle
our broken, bitter past
at least the holocaust is remembered by someone
what of the Olmecs, what of the true Africans?
Native Americans, Babylonians, Eutruscans, the Zapoltecs and Toltecs?
what of their cultures true beauty is remembered today?
[we still think of the indians as blood-thirsty savages which waged war upon our hopeless ancestors]
[do not take into account that 20 million indians were killed by smallpox]
[take no heed that our helpless ancestors disobeyed their own laws to destroy the indians]
[take no heed that we were the agressors, the attackers, the conquestadores!]
we are the end of the world
we are the un-perfect race
a spoiled breed of egotistic, anthropocentric, misanthropic, self-righteousness
we are death and decay, hidden behind our venomous skin
we are the divine race, which takes pride in killing our kin
if you are to live you are to become like us
why?
we have the guns, the bombs and the germs
why?
we are better, we are the Aryan race!
why?
we are right in the name of our god, which we no longer follow
we say it is, and it becomes reality
we say you aren't and you cease to exist
we are the kings of kings
we are the gods of gods
we are your god
if you want to earn our eternity you must be us
you are all equal in the eyes of your lord
but that doesn't mean that you will stand before us to be judged!
and that doesn't mean that you are worth anything!
you are either for us, or you are against us
there is no in-between, there is no gray area
you are either black or white
two wrongs don't make a right
because you are always wrong, and we are always right
we are your world, and without us you would not exist
[you would not have the technologies that have brought nothing but pain]
[and without us you would be content, and there would be nothing left for you to gain]
there is no such thing as contentment
there is never too much
there is never fulfilment
and there is no such thing as an intrinsic reward!
the more you have the bigger it makes you
the more you have the happier you'll be
more and better are one and the same
happiness comes not from within
it comes from without
the less we feel inside the happier it makes us
if you feel down go shopping
if you feel empty play with your happy-meal toy
for happy-meals are fucking dreams in a box
just like everything else in our fucking culture
let it destroy you,
let it kill you
and let it desensitize you from your pain
there is pain only because you see the truth
join us, rise above the truth
rise above your individuality
feel no shame for betraying your heritage and your ancestors
for you are now one of us, and our promiscuous earthly glory awaits. . .
just beyond your eager hands!

1997120801tid242




Christianity Inebriated Morality




maybe you feel it is ok for you to fuck up, because god will forgive you and wash your past sins from your heathen flesh, but I have not sold my soul to god, it is mine, I will never sell myself to something that does not exist simply to say that I am better than others. And when I do something I am the one who pays the price, not jesus christ, I have to live with what I've done, I don't brainwash myself into thinking that it's ok, because I know it isn't, and I don't brainwash myself to think that I can be cleansed of my sins, because I can't be, none of us can. So I hold myself above the christians, and I try to live my life how I want it to be lived, devoid of christian hierarchy, and devoid of the blind obedience that predominates those that are below me, those that are christian. I carry myself alone, and alone I deal the problems that confront me. The divine would be happy to know that I am mature enough to take responsibility for my actions, unlike those that flush responsibility down the shit-hole of repentance. I feel real pain, but the reward for this is real joy, unlike the half-assed christian joy of brainwashing themselves to think that any action they perform can be forgiven, or that any crime they commit is justified because of their false belief in god. I do not commit crimes because I know they can never be justified, one cannot, and does not deserve to be forgiven for a crime which is unforgivable. It is untrue to the reason christianity exists as well as the Neanderthal which commits the crime, just as if I were to believe in anything as false as god I would be betraying everything that is most dear, I would be betraying me, and although christianity would, I could never forgive myself.

1997121101tid242



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